he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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