Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
