i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
