You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
