Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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