your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
