how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
