he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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