We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
