I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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