And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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