I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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