Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
