he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
