things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
tell me about the eggs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
