we're blogging at a bar
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
