Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
