hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
