lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
