Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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