Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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