That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
please don't ironically join a cult
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