toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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