That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
