I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
