You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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