the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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