when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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