I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
