dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
