I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
