508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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