she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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