so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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