The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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