the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
