Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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