so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
