Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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