i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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