My boss' voice literally gives me gas
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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