I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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