I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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