so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
