omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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