I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
