I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
