I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
