I got her a Nickelback box set.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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