You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
