Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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