I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
