NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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