haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize