Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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