did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
