All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
