Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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