I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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