yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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