So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
