my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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