A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
