I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.