Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.