Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
