If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely