a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
