i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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