you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
