i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
