I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
